The Sarasota Herald Tribune

Squabbling Over Inheritance Doesn't Always Involve Money

Rich Brooks
Sarasota Herald Tribune

The transfer of wealth from the World War II generation to baby boomers is said to be the largest ever.

But some families might not survive it.

Sometimes, inheritances can turn siblings against one another and cause deep rifts among family members.

Just ask Les Kotzer.

A family attorney who has seen plenty of families fractured over inheritances.

He's drawn on those experiences to write a book, "The Family Fight -- Planning to Avoid It," hoping that some families will be able to avoid such problems. Oh, yeah, he's hoping to sell some books, too, available at his Web site, www.familyfight.com.

Conflicts over inheritances aren't always about money, and it's a myth, he says, that only well-to-do families are ensnared in such problems.

The love of money might be the source of evil, but families are just as likely to clash over non-monetary items.

"Sometimes it's the memories," said Kotzer, adding that he has witnessed family eruptions over ceramics, photographs and even a clock.

There are many reasons families neglect life-after-death issues. Some parents guard their will and distribution of wealth as if it were a state secret. For others, death and dying are taboo subjects. Still others get bad advice or try to save money by using a do-it-yourself will.

Many problems boil down to a lack of communication between parents and offspring.

As your family sits around the table waiting to carve the Thanksgiving turkey, drink in the scene. Brothers and sisters are laughing and joking, maybe they are sharing stories of their childhood with their own children.

Now fast forward to 15 years from now and imagine the same family yelling at one another in a convulsion of anger.

"I've seen it happen," says Kotzer. "They throw things, curse, even spit at each other."

Kotzer cites a litany of errors made by parents. Among the most common are a lack of a will -- "you're just asking the courts to settle your estate" -- and a do-it-yourself world. Although it might save a few dollars in attorney fees, it usually comes at a high price.

Kotzer recalled a mother who used a do-it-yourself will that left personal items to her son, but awarded antiques to her daughter. A problem arose over a '60s-era clock. The daughter contended that the clock was an antique, while the son said it wasn't old enough to be considered an antique.

Rather than take the matter to court, the son relented but vowed he would never speak to his sister again.

Kotzer's advice? Well, obviously he wants you to buy the book. Otherwise, families should talk about these issues. Make sure everyone understands who is getting what and why. Parents should ask children if there are any special items they might want.

And parents, the time spent discussing these issues might help keep your family together even after you are no longer around.