Halifax Herald

Avoid a family fight
You can plan now to avoid family squabbles over money and heirlooms

By Virginia Beaton
Halifax Herald

DID YOU HEAR the story about the siblings who fought over the family inheritance?

Les Kotzer has, on a daily basis. As a lawyer specializing in wills and estates, Kotzer hears all about family sagas of conflict, anger and hurt feelings.

"I got to the point where I'd seen so many family fights that my colleague Barry and I decided to write a book," Kotzer says.

On the phone from his Toronto law office, Kotzer talks about the new book he has co-written with fellow lawyer Barry Fish.

The Family Fight: Planning to Avoid It outlines strategies for people who are setting up their wills and wish to minimize squabbles over their estates.

The book deals with topics such as the family home, incapacity, the caregiving child, remarriage, power of attorney and appointing an executor.

The writers' intention wasn't to give financial advice about wills, says Kotzer, but to urge people to get organized, plan ahead in case of incapacity, ensure those concerned are fully informed and consider family dynamics.

"We focus not on saving tax, but on saving the family," says Kotzer.

One of the issues that motivated the two lawyers to write a book was the generational shift.

"Now you have baby boomers inheriting money from their Depression-era parents," Kotzer says, adding that the boomers may appear prosperous but often carry a heavy debt load.

"I see it because I do their wills. A lot of times they are waiting for their parents to die in order to inherit."

When a parent dies, leaving a house, money, cottage, business or other assets, any family tensions can go from a simmer to a full boil, Kotzer has learned.

And the fights aren't necessarily about cash. They can be about real estate, furniture, silverware, heirlooms and even family mementos such as photos.

In the chapter titled Planning Based Upon Inappropriate Assumptions, the authors list some of the ideas about wills and inheritance that can lead to family strife.

Those assumptions include the notion that marriage will be permanent or that survivors will get along well.

Kotzer has seen many instances in which divorce, remarriage and the possible disinheritance of children or spouses lead to ongoing family feuds.

He described the case of a family in which a married couple, each with children from previous marriages, promised their offspring the estate would be divided equally among them.

"The father died and left everything to his wife, and she left it all to her kids," says Kotzer.

"The man's son got nothing. Everything his father had worked for, and he got none of it. . . . He told me how devastating it was to have to beg his step-siblings for family photos."

Estate planning that didn't rely on the assumed goodwill of survivors could have avoided this tragedy, says Kotzer.

As for disinheritance, it's a tricky subject. "You can do that," says Kotzer, but he cautions: "You've got to be careful about creating a challenge to your will. . . . I would tell my own parent, 'Don't cut my brother out. Leave him something.' "

A caregiving child also deserves special acknowledgment, Kotzer says. That can be anything from a financial bequest to the gift of the family home, but it's vital to spell it out carefully in order to eliminate discontent among siblings who might feel favoritism was shown.

It's important to show gratitude, Kotzer says.

"My mother was a caregiver for my grandmother, who always thanked her."

Be specific about the wording of bequests, Kotzer advises. He describes a case in which a woman made her own will and said her "personal monies" were to be divided equally among her five siblings.

A court battle ensued in which the litigants, including her widower, fought over whether the term "personal monies" referred only to her two bank accounts or also to investment certificates, term deposits and other securities.

Says Kotzer: "They went to court over the meaning of the term 'personal monies.' Thousands and thousands of dollars were spent."

In the end, the court ruled that the term was restricted only to the bank accounts, but Kotzer says that the small amount of money saved by doing one's own will can be overwhelmed by legal costs and acrimony.

"Two words, and it created disaster in the family," he says.

Kotzer emphasizes that his book is not a do-it-yourself guide for wills, adding that there's no substitute for professional legal advice.

It's been his experience that will kits bought in stores or off the Internet aren't a good idea. "If you read the warnings, often they don't even warrant that it's a valid will."

Kotzer and Fish have set up a Web site through which they market the book. They also invite people to anonymously submit stories of struggles over wills and inheritance.

Cautionary tales abound, like that of the elderly man who remarried and changed his will so his new wife inherited all. He reassures his puzzled children that their stepmother would only spend a little of the money.

One person notes sadly that she knows what will happen when her mother dies, calling it "WW III."

But there are happier scenarios. One correspondent describes how his father distributed his money to the family over the years, paid for his funeral in advance and died at age 99, leaving a few hundred dollars in the bank and owing no money.

During a recent radio show to publicize the book in British Columbia, Kotzer says he was overwhelmed by the response.

"People called in to thank us for writing the book," he says.

"One woman called in and said, 'I'm buying six copies of your book, one for each of my children.' Another guy said he bought one and mailed it to his mother."

The guiding idea is to create what Kotzer calls "a bridge of communication. . . . Parents are very secretive, and they don't want to talk about their wills."

Unfortunately, a will that is not properly prepared creates turmoil for survivors and results in inefficiency, extra expense and delays in dealing with the estate, says Kotzer.

"We see people coming in with plastic grocery bags filled with papers," he says. The lawyer must then sort through them to ascertain what's important.

The Family Fight costs $27.50 and is available by calling the law firm of Fish & Associates at 1-877-439-3999 or on the Web site (www.familyfight.com).