Halifax Herald

Avoiding Fights Over Estates

By Joey Fitzpatrick
Halifax Herald

In his work as an estate lawyer, saving clients' tax dollars is part of Leslie Kotzer's job. But what he's found over the course of his practice is that saving the family often becomes a more pressing issue.

He's seen too many families torn apart after the death of a loved one, often over issues that could have been dealt with using a little planning.

"I've seen brothers and sisters yelling and screaming at each other," he says. "I've seen stepmoms and stepchildren fighting, and it's not always over money. There are many issues related to the feeling of being slighted."

He recounts one story of a brother and sister torn apart in a dispute over the family home.

Their mother had suffered a stroke and required a full-time caregiver. So the daughter moved back into the family home to take care of her mom and it was understood she would receive the home as compensation.

Unfortunately, the mother forgot to change her will. By the time she died, the son was in financial difficulty, and he insisted that the house be sold so he could get half of its value.

While most of these fights never end up in court, they can leave festering wounds that last for years. With this in mind, Kotzer and his associate, Barry Fish, published Family Fight, Planning to Avoid It.

The book shares real-life family fight stories, dealing with many of the explosive areas such as the caregiving child, the family home and the second marriage, as well as inappropriate assumptions people often make when planning.

The authors offer a number of suggestions to avoid or at least minimize the damage of a family fight, including:

Don't assume that because you've divided everything equally among your children that there will not be conflict. It's quite easy to create inadvertent inequality. For example, a coin collection that the parent believes is worth $10,000 is left to one child, so the parent leaves a compensating gift to the other child. But the coin collection was last appraised 20 years earlier, and has appreciated significantly in value, creating a clear inequality.

Remember incapacity can also set off a family feud, so you need to consider power-of-attorney. Who is going to look after your affairs if you become incapacitated?

Keep the lines of communication open. Some of the biggest fights are over personal items - Royal Doultons, jewelry and other heirlooms - and they often have very different value to different family members.

They also recommend that parents write memos to their kids to explain why they're doing certain things in their will.

Don't assume good will among your children. Even though your children may have good will, their spouses may not.

In this era of blended families, there is great potential for conflict among step siblings. Prenuptial agreements, marriage contracts and trust funds are all avenues to be considered.

"Speak to a lawyer about second-marriage planning strategies," Kotzer says. "You don't necessarily plan the same way you would in the first marriage."

The book also contains a section on organizing your affairs. It's a checklist of the things you need to have ready for the lawyers or accountants in the event you become sick or die.

"I think it's inevitable that there will be family fights as the baby boomers' parents pass away," Kotzer says. "We don't get into specific laws with this book, because the laws vary from province to province. What we're trying to do is set people on a thought process."